There’s no hiding from this: embalming has a really bad reputation. If you’re “of a certain age,” you probably have a horror story about being forced to view a corpse at an open-casket funeral as a child, only to see a strange version of your aunt, mom, or grandpa lying in repose.
Between the clown-like makeup that used to be common and more modern concerns about chemicals and environmental impact, embalming is often dismissed outright in alternative, family-led, and green deathcaring communities.
I understand that rejection. I used to believe embalming was one of the biggest problems in contemporary deathcare. But my views have shifted, and I now think our collective aversion has more to do with death-denial, misinformation, and a lack of understanding about practical after-death realities.
Embalming Isn’t the Enemy: How a Green Mortician Found the Good in a Polarizing Practice
Image via Wikicommons.
About a decade ago, when I first decided to become a funeral director, I reached out to a revolutionary force in “doing death differently” in my city. She’d left corporate funeral homes, built her own community-based, green, family-led model, and had been in the field for nearly twenty years. She was an unofficial mentor, and I was certain she would applaud my decision to avoid becoming an Embalmer.
I was completely wrong. My mouth literally hung open as she told me why she loved embalming: the art, the science, the history, and the practical importance of a practice that has existed for a very long time. I pushed through my discomfort and listened deeply. I’m glad I did. Within a few years, I became a funeral director, embalmer, and an end-of-life doula, and I’m now one of very few people in North America with that combination of titles.
What I’ve come to understand is that embalming may have a terrible reputation among alternative deathcare providers (and to some extent, the general public), but it is not inherently bad. In specific circumstances, it can be a deeply meaningful deathcaring tool, and it absolutely has a place in community-led care.
Las Vegas Funeral Trade Show – Image via Jeremy Cohen
I acknowledge that embalming’s negative reputation has roots in the corporatization of deathcare in North America in general. Aggressive chemicals, overdone makeup, corporate overcharging, and a general lack of public knowledge have all contributed to a lack of positive regard for the practice. That reputation might be earned, but it’s also incomplete. Like many things we think we know about death, the truth is far more nuanced.
Like my mentor before me, I am a green-focused, community-deathcare advocate who also believes embalming is sometimes the right choice. I typically don’t recommend it, and in fact there are only a few circumstances when I think it really could add to the overall deathcaring experience. When a death is expected, occurs without violence, the body is intact and adequate cooling was available relatively quickly after the death, it may not be necessary at all, even if there is to be a public viewing (though there may be rules where you live about timing that need to be kept in mind). Over the years, though, I’ve supported several alternative or family-led deathcare experiences that absolutely depended on embalming. In these instances, embalming made meaningful, healing encounters possible.
I once embalmed a young man who died unexpectedly and violently. He was with the coroner for at least two weeks and underwent a full autopsy. His family wanted a home visitation. Without embalming to restore the damage caused by the violence (and by the autopsy), that gathering would not have been safe, and it certainly wouldn’t have been healing. We embalmed him and brought him home, where his loved ones said goodbye. It was incredibly moving, and I was proud to be part of it.
Mortician’s Makeup kit. Image via Jeremy Cohen
In cases of perinatal loss (when a baby dies before, during, or soon after birth) decomposition can begin very quickly, and sometimes it even begins before delivery. While hospitals now allow more time with the baby, families are often overwhelmed in those first hours. Some want more time before burial or cremation. While not always necessary, embalming may be what allows parents, siblings, and grandparents to spend peaceful time with their little one. I have witnessed mothers rock their embalmed babies for hours before placing them, one final time, in a tiny casket.
There are practical considerations, too. People sometimes die far from home, and returning their body for ceremonies or burial can matter deeply to families. International shipping is complicated and usually requires embalming. Though shipping can sometimes occur in hermetically sealed caskets without embalming, viewings or visitations aren’t possible once the body arrives if it wasn’t embalmed.
Our resistance to embalming often reveals deeper cultural discomfort with death itself, and with the realities of caring for the dead.
I once performed a reconstruction for a man who had suffered a devastating fall. His family needed to see him again. Without embalming, that viewing would have been traumatic. The work I did allowed them to have the experience they hoped for, peaceful and healing.
Embalming is not a required part of after death care in any part of North America. It should never be presented as the default option. But in some situations, it is an important one. Our resistance to embalming often reveals deeper cultural discomfort with death itself, and with the realities of caring for the dead. Our collective societal distance from deathcaring in general has resulted in a decrease in viewings and visitations overall. We have lost touch with the idea that spending time with our dead can be very healing, enriching, and connecting. Until we normalize that again, it’s going to be a tough sell to convince folks that sometimes, embalming might be a very good idea
What we need is more understanding of how this practice may fit in community and family-led deathcare, as well as how it may be a culturally important part of deathcaring practices for many members of the global majority. A reflexive anti-embalming stance diminishes these truths.
So how can families navigate the question of embalming at a funeral home? One of the most important things you can do is have important conversations about your after-death wishes long before you need to.
I believe that spending time with/viewing our dead can offer enormous benefits. In many cases, people may not feel a formal viewing will add anything to their experience. But many deaths don’t unfold that way, and if anyone wants to spend some time with their person, they should have the chance to do so.
Should I Choose Embalming?
Vintage embalming brochure via Univerisity of Michigan, Clements Library
Embalming is not required anywhere in North America except in very specific circumstances for direct or immediate cremations. But there may be laws where you live that require embalming for public viewings if a certain amount of time has passed. So your first question could be , “Is embalming required by law?”
If the answer is “no, but I recommend it”, ask why. If you know that the death was peaceful, that the body should be intact, that decomposition shouldn’t be a factor, and you want a short, simple viewing, the funeral director should be able to explain why they think it is necessary. Ultimately unless there is a legal requirement it should be your choice, and having an understanding of the potential benefits of the procedure long before you have to make a decision like this should be very helpful.
Embalming isn’t the enemy. In specific circumstances, and among certain communities, it is a tool of healing. It can open choices that might otherwise be impossible for grieving families. It should never be mandatory, but it should be discussed when necessary. We should treat both the practice and its practitioners with respect, and be open to learning how the art and science of this misunderstood trade can fit with the values of community deathcare.
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