By Across the globe, people are pulling up to cemeteries, funeral homes, breweries, and libraries, to read books of their own choosing in companionable silence. These look like typical Silent Book Clubs – introvert happy hour with no assigned reading, with nearly 2000 chapters in 55 countries worldwide – but are in fact Silent Book Clubs of Death: a space to read about death, dying, grief, aging, mortality, and chat about death awareness in good company.
An Open Book: Book Clubs and Death Awareness
Image via Unsplash
TOGETHER ALONE
Mortality-minded book clubs are growing in popularity as people look for creative ways to connect with each other and safely explore death in community. The World Health Organization has declared a global loneliness epidemic, which impacts health and shortens lifespans. Further, since the onset of the COVID pandemic, people are both more aware of and more afraid of death. Alongside a growing awareness of the need to change the ways we talk about death has developed a surge in death anxiety and death avoidance.
Reading can be a way to enter a meditative state and confront feelings that might be too distressing to reflect on otherwise. It can often feel like a solo endeavor, but can be a powerful way to connect with the like minded to discuss topics you might not be able to otherwise.
SILENT BOOK CLUB OF DEATH: AN ANTI SOCIAL SOCIAL CLUB
All photos by Lauren Seeley
Silent Book Club of Death was founded in Los Angeles in 2022 by deathcare professionals Catherine of Death Project Manager, Lisa Pahl of The Death Deck, Stefanie Elkins of Be Present Care, and Natalie Noel of Heavenly Mist Death Doula. It has expanded to over 20 chapters and pop ups globally, in a variety of languages.
Silent Book Club of Death NYC was started by Lauren Seeley in Brooklyn in 2023 and has expanded across New York.
Lauren says, ”In my own life, I’ve always turned to information, community, and creative outlets to hold space for my own grief. While my reason for starting a chapter of Silent Book Club Of Death here in NYC was not originally intended as a space for grievers, it was apparent to me after the first meeting I ever held why it would be.”
It’s this openness and willingness to discuss mortality, grief, loss, and be in community with others that keeps people coming back every month
When Lauren hosted the first Silent Book Club of Death at the funeral home she worked at, two of the attendees were “in the raw stages of grief and loss,” but she ensured that the space she created was welcoming for them. “I’ve always held this space for anyone and everyone in my life, recognizing that life is complicated and we should be more willing to let people show up as they are and meet them there. It was clear to me that this is not usually the case in most social settings, but that it should be. I made it my personal mission to provide that for any and all who needed it.”
Even though the events are advertised as “book clubs,” reading is not a requirement to take part. Lauren explains that many folks “just come there to be in community and to talk about your grief if it helps. And it’s this openness and willingness to discuss mortality, grief, loss, and be in community with others that keeps people coming back every month. People want to talk about death, they just want a safe space to do so.”
“A lot of people grew up in cultures where these conversations were taboo or forbidden. They’ve grown into a world where we sweep these conversations around grief and loss under the rug, allowing them to surface only during the time of death. It’s no wonder why people feel hesitant to discuss mortality in their daily lives. Silent Book Club of Death is a place where you can come and discuss these matters with peers, and know that you’ll be met with understanding as it is a place where all we do is talk about death. The more of these discussions we are able to have and normalize the topic, the more people will leave Book Club and have these discussions elsewhere. We are creating community, and so are they.”
A CHANGING DEATH LANDSCAPE
In reaction to many dying in a medicalized environment, there is a global shift in the landscape of death care. Slowly, the tides are changing to include more options like green burial, grief support which recognizes many kinds of loss beyond bereavement relating to a spouse or family member, and death awareness education covering a spectrum of family and relationship structures. Mortality minded book clubs give grievers, readers, and the death curious space to engage with each of these topics safely, in good company.
Lauren uses these monthly meet ups as a way to connect to other death care professionals, as well as the morbidly curious. She hosts these events at various places of disposition and death themed spaces such the historic Green-Wood cemetery, Morbid Anatomy Library, Sparrow: A Contemporary Funeral Home, gothic themed and queer owned coffee shops, and The Met Cloisters. She provides a stack of books for readers to choose from from her own library, as well as a free resource pile where attendees can find materials and stickers on grief, disposition and memorial services, organizations doing incredible work in the death and dying space around the incarcerated, ship wrecks transporting enslaved people, houseless persons, and more.
Her goal for these meetups are not only to create a social atmosphere for readers but to also share from her tool belt of knowledge as a community death doula for the grieving folks of the world.
Mortality Minded Book Clubs – A Growing Movement
If the idea of an open ended book club feels overwhelming, there are book lists and book clubs for you. There is the TalkDeath Book Club, which has hundreds of members from across 4 continents and counting. The TalkDeath Book Club meets virtually via Zoom to discuss the books regarding death, grief, and loss together! Whether you are a death care worker or just someone who leans a little macabre, all are welcome to join
Additionally, there are themed lists of GoodReads, to more structured book clubs with assigned reading, there’s the Memento Mori Book Club in Fort Collins Colorado, the Minnesota Death Collaborative Book Club on Zoom, Befriending Death Book Club on Zoom, and of course the global Morbidly Curious Book Club, meeting both in person and virtually in a panoply of chapters.
Need encouragement to get started? You can gamify the experience of reading. In 2024 and 2025, Mortician in the Kitchen and Death Project Manager hosted the Global Summer Reading Challenge – read a book about death, post about it, and then they would send you a sticker and a bookmark. Their goal was to channel the Book It program, in order to bring a sense of fun and play while engaging with challenging topics. Fiction, nonfiction, children’s books, textbooks, a variety of languages – all reading is valid in the quest for stickers.
Death-aware readers will find natural allies with librarians, themselves a curious bunch who are driven to question and research by both trade and inclination. Many libraries have summer (and winter!) reading programs encouraging neighborhoods to read books of all kinds; often, there is no upper age limit. Talk to librarians at your local library to see what seasonal reading events are occurring in your community. You can also request specific death-literate programming and reading material, to both build community at your local level with other death-curious humans, and demonstrate engagement and participation with important community institutions.
At a time of increased global censorship, boosting your library’s circulation numbers and getting involved locally will help strengthen your community – and your civic involvement. These are powerful ways to fight loneliness, build community locally, and strengthen pillars of healthy towns – while increasing the possibility of local morbidly curious connections.
Dying of Curiosity
From Silent Book Club of Death, book groups, reading guides and challenges, using a love of books and curiosity can help break down taboos around death, making the topic less terrifying, and making people more willing to engage. Facing the inevitable with curiosity and respect can better prepare you for difficult conversations and process your own feelings.
AUTHORS
LAUREN (Ahhsweetdeath)
Lauren Seeley is a death and grief doula for pets & humans. She is a death educator and facilitator of the Silent Book Club Of Death NYC. She is a curator for funerals, altars, memorial spaces, designer, illustrator, reiki practitioner, and creative grief artist. She resides in Brooklyn, NY and works with a funeral practice in Brooklyn as well.
CATHERINE / DEATH PROJECT MANAGER
Catherine, who goes by Death Project Manager, is the creator of the Mortality Workbook, a toolkit to collect what your loved ones should know before you go, so that you can rest in peace. She believes logistics are an act of love and planning is an act of care. She is the founder of Silent Book Club of Death, and hosts death education events from social to serious around the globe in multiple languages.
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