By When my partner died at the end of 2023, a group of my friends managed to plan and execute one of the most heartfelt memorials I’ve ever experienced, and they did it at an extremely low cost.
Memorial services can be inexpensive and creative, and can take place anytime and almost anywhere. Find out more in Part One of our How to Hold an Inexpensive Funeral series.
How to Hold an Inexpensive Funeral, Part 2
Community Spaces
A memorial service does not need to include the presence of a loved one’s body, therefore it can happen almost anywhere and anytime. My partner’s memorial service happened quickly. I live on a farm and we gathered a few cheap outdoor heaters and a karaoke machine and didn’t need to worry about permits or scheduling (I certainly didn’t have anything else going on). A week after he died, nearly one hundred people showed up to celebrate his life on what would have been his first full year of sobriety.
Moving away from traditional memorial spaces allows you to move away from some of the inflated costs associated with them.
If you don’t have access to a large enough space, there are other options you can look into. Community centers typically have free or inexpensive reservations. You can also consider spaces your loved one thrived in. Maybe they were good friends with the owner of the Bowling Alley or the pizza shop, someone who has space that would be open to working with you on a manageable rental price. Moving away from traditional memorial spaces also allows you to move away from some of the inflated costs associated with them.
Outdoor spaces are a great option as well. One option is to plant a grief garden, and hold a memorial to inaugurate it. People can bring their own flowers or vegetable to plant, or take part in harvesting the garden. There is no need to rush a memorial service. Even six months after a death, there will still be a need and desire for collective mourning.
Public parks, rivers, lakes, etc. may all be possible at a lower cost. For example, I dream of attending my own memorial service as a ghost, with all my friends and family camping together at a lake and telling their favorite stories of me around the fire.
Cultural Significance
Another piece to consider when planning a memorial service is whether or not there is a cultural element that should be included. Would they have wanted to be memorialized in a religious or spiritual space, or with specific customs and traditions relevant to their culture or beliefs?
There are specific and important memorial rituals for African Americans, post-cremation Hindu rituals, specific prayers in Judaism (Kaddish) and Islam (Janazah), Indigenous cultural protocols (PDF file), Pagan blessings for the dead, and so much more. Some of these rituals and practices are highly formalized, while others can be participatory and done in almost any location.
Inviting a spiritual or religious figure to lead a ritual, share a prayer, or speak at the memorial service may be meaningful for your loved one. Often, a simple donation is all that is required. Alternatively, you can ask a family member or friend to integrate religious or cultural traditions into the memorial service.
Sometimes, it’s in the details. The location becomes less important when the structure of the memorial is meaningful and done with care and love. At my partner’s memorial, a friend built a large shrine of scrap wood where everyone placed candles, pictures, tarot cards, and other objects relevant to him.
Accept Support
When a loved one dies, everything around you can occur faster than you can grasp. You may be the type of person who needs to jump in and get organized, but if not, you may have a friend or family member willing to lend a hand. There are also organizations in many regions that specifically offer help.
If money is an issue, you can consider turning to crowdfunding. With the help of my partner’s community, we were able to raise $25,000 USD on GoFundMe to cover funeral costs and multiple memorial services. This way, everyone in his wide orbit had space to mourn together.
Incorporating their memory into how you move through the rest of your life is a powerful way to keep memories alive.
If asking for financial assistance makes you uncomfortable, just remember that most people want a way to help in times of grief. Being a part of a community means being able to accept help, and modelling that for others who need support.
As we’ve mentioned in other articles, getting the support of a death doula can help save money and effort when planning a memorial. It’s likely they already know ways to save money and come with many ideas for memorializing and upholding the legacy of your loved one.
Virtual Memorials
A zoom memorial is an easy option that most people can figure out how to navigate. Zoom also lets you to use breakout rooms where you can have smaller spaces of people who may want to share stories, talk as they work on legacy projects, or even play games to lighten the mood.
There are more interesting options as well, such as the Gather Town App which allows you to design a video game-like space where you can move an avatar around to different spaces.
If you need some of the planning taken off your plate, there are services such as Keeper Memorials that assist you in creating a memorial page for your loved one, and can help plan and host beautiful memorial services online for the fraction of the cost of a funeral home.
Let the Memorial Continue
I feel grateful that I have the shrine on my farm to visit whenever I need to give myself space to grieve. I can maintain and tidy it, I always keep at least one of the LED candles flickering at all times, and it’s something my child can grow up appreciating as well.
Legacy and memorial projects can go a long way during bereavement. Whether you choose to knit a grief sweater, put together a slideshow with all of your favorite moments together, or even write a song about them, incorporating their memory into how you move through the rest of your life is a powerful way to keep memories alive.
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