By We love the idea that cemeteries are a third place that you can visit when you need a space in between your work and home life, or to gather with friends without the dread of having to split the bill at the end of your time together.
Often, cemeteries even host events for community members to come by and appreciate the landscape and history of the site. We even host our annual TalkDeath Cemetery Scavenger Hunt in partnership with many cemeteries to showcase the beauty and knowledge our local cemeteries hold.
It is important that cemeteries are treated with respect and care so we can continue to enjoy them with friends and family. We don’t think you should be afraid to visit your local cemetery, or view the craftsmanship of headstones and landscaping. This is why we want to share a few unspoken (and sometimes spoken) rules for etiquette at your local cemeteries.
Before you read this, be sure to familiarize yourself with the specific rules of your local cemetery. Usually these are posted on their website if they have one, or may be posted on a sign at the entrance. Read them thoroughly and communicate those rules with any little ones you might bring along.
Cemetery Etiquette: How to Act and be Mindful in Cemetery Spaces
Maintain the Peaceful Atmosphere
It’s possible you are visiting your local cemetery as a way to easily enjoy your afternoon on a sunny autumn day. That being said, remember that there are always people there who are visiting a loved one who has been memorialized in that space. Grieving loved ones at their memorial site is always emotional, and the last thing someone wants is for their connection to be interrupted by screaming, loud music, or large groups of people stepping on their loved one’s gravesite.
When you enter a cemetery it becomes part of your responsibility to help maintain the peaceful atmosphere. This doesn’t mean whisper the entire time or try not to be seen – it more so means be mindful of those around you and how your presence may be impacting their emotional experience.
For example, I love to bring my three year old to the cemetery, but I treat it similarly to bringing them to the library. This is a space to be mostly quiet and observe the beauty around us. I like to give them things to look for – trees, squirrels, colors, etc. I demonstrate respect for the space as much as we love and respect those we miss.
Watch Your Step
Most urban cemeteries have clear pathways and plenty of benches or open seating areas. Unless you are visiting a specific gravesite, it’s important to stay on those pathways. To some, stepping on a gravesite could be seen as disrespectful and could damage the hard work and care put into the site. Headstones and markers should not be leaned on, stepped on, or touched unless you have a very specific reason. Additionally, landscaping is a huge part of the appeal of cemeteries and new or delicate plants that are planted alongside the pathways could be easily uprooted or damaged if you were to step on them.
Stay mindful of the footprint you are creating at a cemetery. Every visit has an impact on a space, and we can show our appreciation by understanding that impact and minimizing it to the best of our abilities.
Leave No Trace
As a common space that is visited for its beauty and atmosphere, we can treat cemeteries similarly to a local waterfall or natural park. If you bring snacks into the cemetery, bring those snacks out with you or dispose of them appropriately.
Remember that not all cemeteries have the funding for groundskeepers or cleaners and are often reliant on volunteers to help maintain the land. Even if they do have hired cleaners – do you really want to make that job any harder for them? This also means being respectful of the items placed on gravesites by loved ones.
Be Mindful of Ceremonies Happening
Funerals, memorials, and other ceremonies for loved ones may be happening alongside your visit to the cemetery. If you’re following the aforementioned rules, you shouldn’t have to worry too much about bothering a ceremony, but make sure you stay out of their way and give the mourning ample space to grieve and be together.
If your cemetery is in a city or residential area, also be mindful of those living nearby. Cemeteries aren’t necessarily park spaces or loud play spaces, so look around you and take inventory of where you are and how you would want others to act if it was near your own home or workplace.
Luckily, most of these tips will come naturally if you’re used to being mindful of how you move through communities. If you are reading this in preparation for the TalkDeath Cemetery Scavenger Hunt, be aware of how close you are allowed to get to a headstone or monument to take a photo. Also take note that some places do not want you posting names on headstones online, and be sure to let us know when submitting your photos if we can post them TalkDeath’s socials.
Cemeteries are a great place to gather and explore culture and history. We can’t wait to appreciate these precious spaces with you all.
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